Do you ever just feel like crying

What the hell. I just had this long post written here and it dissapeared. That sucks ass. I guess I'll have to try and write it again and see if it works. What a waste of time.

Ok so do you ever just want to cry. I am in such a funk right now. Actually I'm pissed off at this stupid blog so I guess I'm out of that funk. Anyways I just can't seem to be happy right now. I've been moping around for the last couple days it feels like. My week started out ok. I was so excited Monday cause I bought my first car and it went downhill from there.

Anyways lately I've kinda felt like my whole relationship with William has been onesided. I feel like I'm giving and giving and getting nothing in return. I think I've figured out my problem. Its all my problem and no one elses. I show my love I guess tangibly. (sp?) I like to give things to the people I care about. I want to see that they have what they want and need. William is different in that respect I guess. I keep thinking I am getting nothing in return and that I am on the losing end here. This where I am just being a brat. He shows me he loves me in so many other ways. He knows that love isn't always tangible. (sp?) At least I guess he does. Its just me. I need to get over myself. I'm such a brat. Maybe now I can get out of my funk. Who knows.

I think another part of my problem is that I've gotten a big head. Various people tell me, "oh you're the best thing thats ever happened to William." Ok nobody probably should've told me this in the first place. Cause so what if its true. I really don't know that. And you tell me one little thing nice and my head swells up. Now I think oh well if I'm the best thing for him then why don't I feel like it. Why do I feel like I'm just following wherever he takes me instead of trying to help him more. Hell he's probably falling back into his old routines. Maybe I'm not the best thing thats happened to him anymore. Maybe my usefullness is over. Who knows. This sucks. Why can't I just be happy with what I have. Why do I have to over analyze shit. I wish my mind would just shut off sometimes. No it just keeps going and going. Why do I always have to worry. Why do I feel like if he's not home right after work its cause he doens't want to be with me. I am such a fucking worry wort. Is that right. I've always heard the expression but never seen it written down. Anyways gosh I'm such a FUCKING BRAT.

Now if this damn thing would publish things would be great. Later days...